Dear ABBY: I have a friend, I will call him "Whitney", and he often asks me to caress her. She usually asks me a week or less before she leaves. I like animals (I have a few of my own), so I continue to do this for her. But one problem is to make it more and more difficult. Abby, her house is dirty.

I have animals, so I know that a bit of dog hair or cat litter is part of the deal. This is not a problem; this is human dirt. There are food scraps on the counter, stove, and cabinet doors, clothes and paperwork are everywhere on the floor, and there is a bathroom that has apparently not been cleaned in years. I refuse to use her bathroom and even wash my hands after leaving.

This makes it harder for the pet to sit, because I know I should spend more time with her cat, not just scooping garbage and loading dishes, but I simply can’t allow myself to spend any real time in her house. time. How should I bring this topic to her, or what should I do? I am afraid of these requests, but I don't want to leave animals without basic care when she leaves. - Reluctant pet sitter

Dear babysitter: It's time to tell Whitney that you no longer want to sit down for her. When she asks you why, tell her the truth and encourage her to get some cleaning help.

Dear Abby: My son's wife (I will call her "Carla") called me when they quarreled. Last time, my son went to jail for domestic violence. The police didn't even speak to me.

Now my son won't talk to me, and I can't talk to my grandchildren anymore. He said that as far as he was concerned, my husband and I were both dead. We did nothing but help Kara. This is my son's third domestic violence crime. I have always had a good relationship with my grandchildren, but I haven't seen them for more than five months. I miss them very much. Should I face my son bravely, tell him to grow up, let me see my grandchildren, or respect his request and stay away from his life? - Penalized in Minnesota

Dear Punisher: You cannot force your son to do anything. To accuse him of being naive will only arouse more hostility. Talk to Carla and point out that your son needs psychological help. Carla should take the child to the shelter, because without professional help and a desire to change, your son's attack will escalate and he may seriously harm or kill her. Carla should contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for guidance. The toll free number is 800-799-7233.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (also known as Jenny Phillips) and founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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